Sebastian Wrote As So

These are my words.

i want to draw out my explanation
but there’s no combination of these 26 letters
or enough led in my pencil

i want to show you why i have no control
but every form of affection
doesn’t mean what it use to

i want you to see what i see
but my eyes
my mind
my hands
my words
don’t match up

i want to be free
but there are shackles of memories
keeping me

i want to categorise this mess
but there’s no labeled boxes
to help me

i want to adore you with my viens
but i have battles
i have stories
i have anxiety
that stop the little boi inside
from entangling my roots into yours

She is incomparable to others. I remember seeing people who showed interest all the time; all the same. I could easily pass by these individuals and not give two thoughts about them. I was single, I could pick a candidate if I needed someone, and I only had to worry about me. These individuals were all the same and they never altered how my lifestyle was.

She came into my chat room and said hello; a random follower coming to say a few words and head off to find something more entertaining. Before even seeing her face, I easily started conversing with her. Awkward in the least, the conversation kept progressing. Then she started to broadcast her camera. I couldn’t take it.

I remember feeling what I feel now, for one other person. Just one connection, glance, or exchange and I was hooked. Everything I thought I enjoyed about my lifestyle, gone. The need to be single, overtaken by the need to have her be mine; having someone, taken by wanting her to be the one; and wanting my life to only be about her and not just me. She captivated me.

Her great smile and red cheeks caught me at first. Then her labret set me off. I can honestly say I’ve never seen someone so attractive; mentally, physically, sexually, and intellectually.

Our conversations only seem to decease when we are not in contact. We talk about everything and I mean everything. She has a great sense of humor and doesn’t mind my constant burping. Our words, thoughts, and opinions flow together into a collaborative union. Everything about her completes me. I could say she’s perfect, perfect for me in more ways than I thought a human could. She understands me; she knows what to say to keep me happy, when to stay away when I’m sad, and tries to understand the process my brain works in.

She does things for me other’s never have. It’s the little things that drive me in love. It’s the little things about her that I notice: how she always sleeps on her back, rolls over towards the wall, and rolls back to throw her hands over her head; how she raises her right eyebrow when she’s turned on; how she always licks her lips; or how she always runs her hands through her hair, whether she’s stressed, turned on, or just being silly.

There are things about her I’m instantly attracted to. She thinks she looks cute in her purple tank top and has a bubble butt. She has little hands. Her bangs always flip out into a curl. She loves Skyrim and strawberries with whip cream. She longboards and likes to adventure.

Her personality is amazing. She is intellectual and enjoys voicing her opinion. She’s physically attractive in every way possible. She’s naturally beautiful to where she doesn’t need makeup or do anything to her hair. She has gorgeous hazel eyes and really nice eyebrows. Her smile makes me melt and her labret only causes me to fanboi like a middle schooler. Her short and tiny frame will fit perfectly into my arms.

She’s overall everything I looked for in a person, but everything I’ve realised I’ve needed in another. She makes me happy and for once in my life, I feel like I’m doing something the right way.

I don’t know why I enjoy watching the one I love sleep. Especially, when they aren’t sleeping next to me. They always look so guiltless and tranquil. Maybe its the way she curls up into this weird, balled positions where she’s hugging herself, as she sleeps on her stuffed giraffe, but I can’t help but look at her and see this beautiful creature I’ve slowly fallen in love with. Her face always sinks into the torso of the giraffe and the small glimpse of whatever is left makes you want to watch her every breath. Maybe I enjoy not physically being there, because I don’t want to disturb the beauty that is mine. A slight brush over the cheek with my hand could stir her. Then again, I still want to be there. To hold her in my arms and watch her mouth hang slightly open, because she doesn’t sleep with her mouth closed. Be able to rhythmically rub her back gently, as I watch every little slumbered breath she takes. The way she sleeps you can’t help but want to push her lose blue hair back where it belongs, so you can see every inch of her sleeping face. Gentle kisses might not stir her and if she does wake, she always cuddles closer to you, because your arms are her safety. This view is one of my most cherished.

Do you want to know a secret?
Only the lovers know.
It’s engraved into an empty booklet.
Letting the dead trees grow.
Grow like the stardust in the sky.
Are you following me to the roof?
Look up. Did you see our tie?
Our tie of love that is crushproof.
Only the lovers know.
They sat here too.
Watching the stardust grow.
Till sunrise cam, a brief curfew. 

What is your main URL? Since you changed it, I can't seem to find you. :C

"I need to experience her. Get in her mind. Her skin"

  Should I be worried I’ve fallen into this consistent routine of this girl? I say of, not with, because its all about her. Not to the point where every constant brain wave is possesses the ability to think her name. But when I wake up in the morning, I check my phone. Whether to see if she has texted me or to see if she is still on the phone from last night. A “Good morning” text is always the first thought when I see my phone is blank. This starts the routine of our elongated texted conversation. At night I get the privledge to be able to hear her voice that I love. Seeing her picture and name appear across my phone, then hearing her simple “Hi”, is something I look forward to every night. And our routine ends with me falling asleep on the phone and she doesn’t hang up. Waking up in the middle of twilight and hearing her rhythmatic breathing eases me till I’m back asleep.
  I’m not worried. This human being who was not meant to be anything more than a friend of equal intellectual thoughts, has become something I cannot word. She’s a feeling. A thought. The light, her light, that destroys the small pang of loneliness in my heart. I still question how this young girl has captures me, or better yet, how I’ve captured her. This girl, who laughs at everything; who’s constantly looking to the right of her room into space; who raises her eyebrows when she’s hinting something; who’s smile is instantly there when she notices that I realised she’s staring.
  She’s always asking me why I think she’s amazing. Half the time I can’t give a response, because I cannot begin to fathom all her qualities and flaws I love that she possesses.
  I fell for her mind. Our relationship started with messages that continues throughout till 5AM. As sleep tried to consume me, I didn’t want to end this connection with a girl who is a complete stranger to me. With my guard up, I wasn’t able to realise the crush that was beginning like the morning horizon. Slowly it grew brighter, reaching for the sky. How could I not fall for the girl who’s smile lightens my world; the girl who’s glance could make me stutter; the girl who makes my mind wonder what’s going in her’s; the girl who seems like the complete opposite, but still feels like you both possess the same body and spirit.
  She’s confusing. She’s ridiculous. She’s weird. She’s interesting. She’s frustrating. Her flaws are what keep me. Her flaws make her a challenge. A challenge that will never end.
  What this little girl makes me experiences is a headache from trying to understand her and a heart ache for wanting to keep her as mind.
  She’s a beautiful person, inside and out.
  Her eyes make me want to stare into them till I forget my existence. Her smile that makes it impossible for me to seep into depression. The funny facial gestures that contribute to making me smile like an idiot when I’m with her.
  I possibly believe she is perfect. Everything may not be how I want, but this girl, I love her. 

You are beautiful.

Awe, thank you :3

The movie starts; the beginning credits run back and forth across the screen. The computer is set on the wooden table, beside the bed. Her heartbeat is steadily beating fast, as she lays next to you. Her head is facing the opposite of you, as her attention is on the movie. You lay frigid next to her warm body. The possibilities of what could happen are running through your mind. The heat of her body is sinking into your skin. Your hand somehow reaches hers, and your fingers intertwine. You see her head turn towards you. Her attention is on you and she looks into your eyes. Your heart beats increase, because you’re not sure what to do as she looks at you like that. You catch your breath, feeling every urge to let your lips touch hers. You know she won’t kiss you first, so you lean closer. Steady and clumsy at the same time; her lips are the last thing you see before your eyelids close and you kiss her. Your mind goes blank, you can’t think, only her lips against yours is what you feel. Her mouth opens and accepts your kiss. Both your bodies art set on fire. Months of waiting to finally take her into you, explodes. When your lips part, you look at her beautiful eyes. Her glance is still on your lips. Her lower lip is inside her mouth, in between her teeth. This time, she attacks. Both your lips are working in sync; parting and closing, harder and softer, your lower lip in between her teeth and then you tugging on hers.

I love you.

Is it that hard for you to see how much I love you? I know I close you off from that emotional attachment that can keep us connected till eternity. Do I not show that you’re always running cross every spectrum of my mind? That every single painful moment of the day I feel incomplete, with out you by my side. The Greeks Gods use to create humans with 2 heads, 4 arms, and 4 legs. Then bisected these creatures into two, making us journey across the land to find our half. You are the degenerate half of me. Arms in arms, we are those creatures. The distance is eating into my all my organs, I know you can tell it in my lack of words. How one moment I can seem so open, every single word coming from my blood-pumping heart. Then I’m not the girl you love anymore. My dialogue is shortened to nothing and my eyes divert away from yours. Deep inside what keeps us alive, I do love you. When the leaves blow in the wind, I wish it was your breath on me, not the wind. When the snow falls onto my face, I wish they were your kisses. You are my future and the hope I need to see that, that future is created and spent. All I wish for you to know, and feel deep inside your being, is that I love you. No matter the time that goes by; seconds, minutes, hours, days, etc, you will always be the best friend I fell for with every ounce of passion that I can muster from my heart.

Te Iubesc.

Look into the mirror and what do you see?
Hopefully the perfect image of you and me.
Look into my eyes and what do they show?
Look deep into my eyes and don’t let it go.
Hold your hand up against mine.
Everything that has happened between us, was our sign.
Take our hearts, mold it together,
It’ll become strong, nothing no one can sever.
With the smallest of touch, the world can dissapear.
With the smallest kiss, you loose all fear.
The simpliest of words, can effect so many.
Just one person, can make you loose all villainy.
Slowly put your hand where mines suppose to be.
Feel the warmth and the softness of my skin, and soon be set free.
Take your arms and wrap it around my being.
Breathe the aroma, that will now be permantly etched into your senses and feeling.
Take a moment to realize what just happened.
I’m now marked to you; and now our love has steepened.

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